The almost Catfish [TINDER]

Kindly refer to the previous post before continuing. 

So I actually wanted to add in the time I was almost catfished when I was typing out the last few paragraphs of the previous post but really I lacked the stamina to continue my stories. Plus, I think I was starting to get somewhat incoherent. Although I'm not sure if catfish is truly the right word for it. Because...the guy just looked really really really REALLY different from his profile photos. 

Anyway...

Story time (before I delve into the various characters I actually met)

This happened in the wee days of swiping and so I didn't know any better. Although frankly speaking, I kinda sorta had the feeling that the fella might've been a fake profile simply because I refuse to believe such good-looking guys exist (not on the app anyway). 

His name was simply "J". Thinking back, this was clearly a red flag. Alarm bells should've gone off at this point but no, I was too taken by the photos. According to a close friend who has seen all my matches, I have a type. And this person's photos matched that type to a T. Tall, well-built, looked like a cross between 修杰楷 and Jay Park. Was there anything to not like (based on photos I mean)? 

Clearly not. 

I swiped right. 

Obviously, based on this story, we matched. And, subsequently moved the conversation to Telegram. Nothing funky about that. However, I did notice that J had a tendency to steer the conversation towards the raunchier side and was always asking about the outcome of my earlier dates. (eg; How the date went, How far did we get etc.) And whilst there wasn't anything intrinsically wrong with that, something just felt...off. 

Nevertheless, I trudged on. Because woe betide me if I let such a looker slip through. Cannot 對不起自己! Eventually we set up a meeting and... A day or so before we were scheduled to meet, something in my gut kept nagging at me. I had to take action. 

I asked him to send a video message over Telegram. 

Now, there's really only a couple of ways this could've gone. 

1. He looked exactly like his photos and I'll be this giddy little girl thanking all the different gods for blessing me with such a catch. 

2. He'll send a dick vid...which would've been nasty. But I guess I could've judged his pecker before deciding if I was still interested in meeting up. 

3. He looked nothing like his photos and my gut was right.

The outcome was #3 big surprise there (I'm being sarcastic).

Truly the most fantastical part of that entire incident was that J was still so willing and almost confident to send a video message over. Like how? I really don't understand how or where he got the confidence to essentially send me evidence that he indeed looked nothing like his photos. 

The video he sent over wasn't too bad in all honesty. He looked...alright, but just not what I had thought I was working with. It was the fact that he appeared almost cocky and smirking in the video that just completely threw me off. That, and that the face shape was way off. 

If I could, I would post pictures here. But I'm not trying to court trouble so...I'll have to do my best with my descriptors. 

It was like he used MTXX and changed his entire jawline. What looked like a nice masculine jawline in the photos became...non-existent. AND THE NOSE. It was basically like the face belonged to someone else. 

In hindsight, I now wished I asked for pictures of his body just to see exactly how different he'd turn out to be. 

Instead, after receiving his video message.

I replied "LOL, no." 

Blocked him on Telegram and promptly unmatched him on Tinder. 

Of course I also took screenshots of his profile photos and screen recorded the video message to circulate to my close friends.

Truly interesting times on Tinder.

Also I learnt my lesson and now straight up ask guys if they look like their actual photos before arranging a meet up. 

Plus this incident always makes for a good story with other first dates. 

So, thanks J! 

Of navigating online dating [TINDER]

Plucky ol' me decided to give dating apps Tinder a 2nd shot and this is/was(?) my...experience.

For some context, I was bored and single. Though not desperately single, I just wanted to get in on the action of swiping and needed an ego boost. So I registered for a new Tinder account (I was on it like 2 years ago and then promptly got attached a month later to someone from work)...so barely any time to fully explore the...inner workings of the app intricacies of online dating then. This time I was determined to have my fun. 

After all, it is Tinder. Notorious for being a hook up/ONS app but hey, if there are those who have gotten hitched to their Tinder matches, perhaps my Mr Right was also on the app furiously swiping away till he matches me. 

Armed with my trusty phone, loads of free time (thanks Covid) and a heaping spoonful of salt, I set forth creating my profile. And boy was it a doozy. The balance between "I'm just here for fun" (read: SLUT) and "I'm looking for a BTO partner" (read: DESPERATE) was way too precarious. I had friends vet through my bio and give comments on my which photos I should use. Too much boob? Overly filtered? Clearly I spent way too much effort for something I didn't have much hope in. 

Eventually, I emerged with a decent enough set of photos (I even threw in one of my dog just because) and a bio with some personality. None of that "Here for a good time not a long time" nonsense. But also clear that even I was unsure of what I wanted from Tinder. Friends? Casual dates? Hopefully a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow?

Then began the semi-tedious process of swiping. I say semi-tedious only because the truly tedious part was having conversations that weren't stale. Being the visual creature that I am, I was slightly more discerning with my screening process. I tried swiping those that I found reasonably attractive with a witty enough write up in their bio... Clearly a rookie move. Turns out if they were good looking, pretty often the bios went a little like "<height>, coffee, wine, working out" or just blank. There were some that actually stood out (ie; had more than a paragraph worth of words). But those were few and far between. So I had to lower my standards and swipe literally based on whether or not I found them attractive (or if they had a cute puppy in the pictures).

I had a fairly decent number of matches. But not everyone bothered messaging. And even as a modern, pro-female empowerment all that jazz woman, I wanted the guy to make the first move. Terribly contradicting just let me be. So I only replied those that initiated the conversation. And boy, did I give them shit (if they weren't cute enough or I was just bored). There came a point in time where I'm pretty sure I might've replied things like "How often do you use that line on girls?", "inserts generic reply about having a good day". Though to give credit, some guys actually had pretty interesting opening lines so that was fun. 

Conversations. I wasn't super into the whole opening up Tinder to message portion because what if some kaypo on the MRT/bus peeks at my phone! But okay part of the whole Tinder package (although most got ported over to Telegram). AND IT WAS SO TIRING. There's only so much you can talk to strangers about and when neither of you know what you're looking for... Do you really want to tell this stranger you met on the Internet about your childhood, your hopes and dreams, your fears? Plus it gets draining because the same topics are repeated; just that your partner changes. Literally rinse and repeat. 

Eventually I met up with a couple of them (some quite a handful of times). Because at my core I think I'm still a very people-centric person and I also wanted to see how they actually carry themselves + check if I'm being catfished. 

Voila! 

(Late Sept/Oct 2020 - present day) 

Tinder boy 1: Mr Bright Car

Tinder boy 2: Le Expat in SG

Tinder boy 3: (Potterhead) Pilot

Tinder boy 4: Flakier than a croissant

Tinder boy 5: The small boy

Tinder boy 6:  Sir Works(out) Hard Party Hard

Tinder boy 7: Scrubs

There are more that I'm scheduled to meet but since this list is for those that I've already met... Perhaps I ought to do a short writeup on each character. 

But that's all for today's musings. I've realised how much I've missed writing so perhaps this time I'll actually bother to follow through on my Tinder escapades.