Tinder fella #5: The small boy

So I won't be posting about the tinder boys in order just because some are still "ongoing projects". The stories that have been posted about are...the utterly hopeless, completely no chance of revival boys. 

Let's get into this one. 

Right from the get-go, this guy was not my type. I swiped him because his face kept appearing on my Tinder feed and I thought to myself, how bad could it be? Perhaps my Prince Charming was hiding under the guise of someone who wasn't my usual type. 

Digressing a little. I can now say with a degree of certainty, that if someone's face keeps popping up on your tinder feed despite you swiping right on them countless times. Chances are they've swiped left on you and Tinder is using the "If at first you don't succeed, keep trying. Eventually her standards will drop and you'll be matched" approach. 

We matched wow can you believe it? talked a little on Tinder and subsequently moved over to Telegram. Now, because I already knew he wasn't the kind of guy I'm normally attracted to (not physically anyway). I was a lot more candid in my conversations with him. And I truly do mean A WHOLE LOT more candid. I was downright blunt with him. Unfiltered comments, full of bullshit and a healthy amount of roasting to the point he actually said that I was not what he was expecting at all.

Me being me, of course I questioned him about that comment. Gotta make him sweat a little. But okay, I totally get it. My photos were reasonably attractive and appeared demure yet here I was being all potty-mouthed and messaging like a bro. It was the whole "Expectation vs Reality" situation. But we could somewhat click and agreed on an incredibly impromptu meet up. 

Like, "Do you want to get dessert?" "Now?" "Yeah now" kind of thing. 

IT ALL WENT DOWNHILL FROM THERE.

Turns out he stays reasonably near, and so asked me to pick him up. 

Not that I'm super princess-y but...dude. First time meeting and I had to fetch him? That was...ballsy. I obliged. Partly because I was amused and partly because I wanted to see just how clueless a guy could get.

Although he wasn't wrong in asking me to pick him up because it was the logical thing to do. I'd have to go past his place to get to the destination anyway but...c'mon. At least not when you're going to meet a potential date for the first time? 

I hurriedly threw on some shorts and a regular t-shirt, and, booked a Grab to 2 locations. 

Upon reaching his place, I thought the wrong guy boarded the car. 

He was wearing a school-based tee. 

HELP ME.

I wanted to NOPE him out of my ride. 

I get that you're proud of your school but...really? A school tee for a first meet up? Of all the plain Uniqlo t-shirts that I'm sure you as typical Singaporean boy would have, YOU COULDN'T PICK A PLAIN TSHIRT? 为什么?? If I wanted to date a small boy, I would have set my age range from 18-24 instead of 27 and up. 

And he was...awkward. There's only so much carrying a girl can do in a real-life conversations. By the end of it, I felt like I concluded a "Show and Tell" about my life. 

Oh. Another turn off was... that he didn't know what Mascarpone was. 

Found that out by accident while we were selecting the ice-cream flavours and I selected the Mango+Mascarpone flavour. He looked at me and very genuinely asked was Mascarpone was. 

This flipped a switch in my mind that this guy was really more like a younger brother that needed to be taught rather than a partner I could learn from. Nothing against guys that don't know these things. It's just that men who are more knowledgeable automatically have their attractiveness multiplied at least tenfold to me. 

So yes. We finished up dessert, I feigned being tired and having an early start the next day and he sent me home. Although I would have much rather preferred to go home on my own. 

A while after dropping me off, he messaged to ask if we'd meet again. And I told him I felt that our chemistry online did not translate well offline. My favourite part was his reply after, asking if I could take into account the fact that he hadn't been dating for quite some time. 

Yeah. Small boy. 

Tinder fella #1: Mr Bright Car

Special mention to my supportive pals who tell me they've enjoyed my stories and can't wait for the next posts don't know whether real or not, later just say to make me happy only 😘

Of course names have been changed to protect the identity of the fella (and also to protect me, fella knows where I stay later tio whacked).

He was the first guy from Tinder that I met with. And I admit, I only swiped him for fun.

In pictures he looked alright, typical guy posing in front of his car. His BRIGHTLY coloured car. Hence the pseudonym for him, Mr Bright Car. 

He had a somewhat beng look with his dyed blonde hair in one picture. Although, I recall it had more of a yellowish tinge to it. Think of the...golden lion tamarin monkey but more washed out. REMEMBER THIS, it's important! The rest of the pictures he had dark coloured hair. And I can't explain how someone looks beng, it's just a look that that bengs have. Typical Chinese boy kind of look, had single eyelids (read: small eyes) which I think can be quite cute. Plus he had sporty-ish photos so that's always a good sign (read: has stamina).

We got to talking a little on Tinder and subsequently moved to Telegram. Conversation flowed nicely and he was actually able to keep the conversation going even when I gave crappy-ass replies. I have to give it to him for putting in effort.

Eventually we set up a date.

He suggested brunch so I chose a popular dimsum place (SC).

Hoo-boy this was where it got...amusing.

Now I'm hardly a stickler for time. The only time I'm punctual/not late is for work. For (almost) everything else, I either barely make it in time or I'm late. Bugger was late. Which wasn't really an issue but homegirl here was already late (by ~15mins if I recall correctly) and he was even later than me... Strike 1!

So I went on my merry way to queue for a table... Who knew that people also went to SC early in the day. I've always thought of it as a midnight dimsum craving kind of supper place. The weather totally didn't help. Hot, muggy and with the mask on, I really wanted to just go home and sleep the rest of my day away. Just as I was contemplating bailing (does it really count as bailing if I'm already there and he's late?), he appeared. 

MY HEART SANK. but I also thanked my lucky stars I didn't wear heels.

HE WAS VERTICALLY CHALLENGED.

I am not tall (I tower over dwarves, pixies and other faerie folk at a staggering height of 1.63m). BUT THIS FELLA WAS SHORT. No two ways about it. Strike 2,3,4,5,6,7... 

I didn't think he was tall but I also wasn't expecting him to be almost my height? Maybe just a smidge taller, 1.65cm. And I'm not even that particular about height but dang, if I wear heels, I'll tower over faerie folk AND HIM. Maybe he's confident enough but I couldn't accept it. I need to know that I can permanently be little spoon. (also if we get serious, what about the children? I'm short enough, I can't let my future offspring be teeny-tiny right? If it's a girl, it'd still be alright because who doesn't like pocket sized chicks. But if it's a boy then high likelihood of him being TINY.) 

One more thing. His hair was a funky shade of yellowish blonde??? Nth strike already. Like true to his picture. The literal bright side was that he did not edit his photos. It was too much for my visuals to take in.

So even though we could talk, it wasn't dull or awkward, and he was an absolute gentleman, helping me to take food to my plate and even cutting it for me. (Which I thought was a bit much because I can cut up my own food, but maybe other girls like that feeling? In my mind all I could think about was NOPE. Ain't gonna be meeting him after today. 

After SC I thought it was gonna be the end of it. He asked about dessert. And me being the glutton that I am, couldn't turn him down. 

I soldiered on, because 

1. There's always room for dessert.

2. I felt bad saying no in person. 

Off I went to dessert with Mr BC...in the very brightly coloured car. To say that it was attention grabbing was an understatement.

It COMMANDED attention. I felt eyes judging me as I stepped into the car. (and his non-standard blonde hair didn't help) 

Being curious, I asked him about it.

"Why'd you choose such a bright colour for your car?"

"Because I can never find my car."

My internal thoughts: Bullshit. Confirm wanna attract attention but don't want to admit. Also probably overcompensating for the height (or lack thereof). Even the hair stands out. Confirm overcompensating.

I know I'm damn horrible but at least I'm honest (here at least). 

We actually bonded over having dead mothers while having dessert. What a topic for a first meet up. And while I felt that he was interested/attracted, the lack of height just killed any sort of attraction I had towards him. Sounds incredibly superficial but I can't help that I felt that way...

To be fair though, he was really very nice throughout and he paid for everything even though I offered to split. 

After that he sent me home and subsequently asked for another meet up but... I used the good ol' "My schedule is packed" excuse and I think he got the hint. 

Sorry pal!

If he wasn't at my eye level, there probably might've been a second date at least. 

I can barely remember the details of the date so this is the best I could churn out with my foggy-ass memory. 

The almost Catfish [TINDER]

Kindly refer to the previous post before continuing. 

So I actually wanted to add in the time I was almost catfished when I was typing out the last few paragraphs of the previous post but really I lacked the stamina to continue my stories. Plus, I think I was starting to get somewhat incoherent. Although I'm not sure if catfish is truly the right word for it. Because...the guy just looked really really really REALLY different from his profile photos. 

Anyway...

Story time (before I delve into the various characters I actually met)

This happened in the wee days of swiping and so I didn't know any better. Although frankly speaking, I kinda sorta had the feeling that the fella might've been a fake profile simply because I refuse to believe such good-looking guys exist (not on the app anyway). 

His name was simply "J". Thinking back, this was clearly a red flag. Alarm bells should've gone off at this point but no, I was too taken by the photos. According to a close friend who has seen all my matches, I have a type. And this person's photos matched that type to a T. Tall, well-built, looked like a cross between 修杰楷 and Jay Park. Was there anything to not like (based on photos I mean)? 

Clearly not. 

I swiped right. 

Obviously, based on this story, we matched. And, subsequently moved the conversation to Telegram. Nothing funky about that. However, I did notice that J had a tendency to steer the conversation towards the raunchier side and was always asking about the outcome of my earlier dates. (eg; How the date went, How far did we get etc.) And whilst there wasn't anything intrinsically wrong with that, something just felt...off. 

Nevertheless, I trudged on. Because woe betide me if I let such a looker slip through. Cannot 對不起自己! Eventually we set up a meeting and... A day or so before we were scheduled to meet, something in my gut kept nagging at me. I had to take action. 

I asked him to send a video message over Telegram. 

Now, there's really only a couple of ways this could've gone. 

1. He looked exactly like his photos and I'll be this giddy little girl thanking all the different gods for blessing me with such a catch. 

2. He'll send a dick vid...which would've been nasty. But I guess I could've judged his pecker before deciding if I was still interested in meeting up. 

3. He looked nothing like his photos and my gut was right.

The outcome was #3 big surprise there (I'm being sarcastic).

Truly the most fantastical part of that entire incident was that J was still so willing and almost confident to send a video message over. Like how? I really don't understand how or where he got the confidence to essentially send me evidence that he indeed looked nothing like his photos. 

The video he sent over wasn't too bad in all honesty. He looked...alright, but just not what I had thought I was working with. It was the fact that he appeared almost cocky and smirking in the video that just completely threw me off. That, and that the face shape was way off. 

If I could, I would post pictures here. But I'm not trying to court trouble so...I'll have to do my best with my descriptors. 

It was like he used MTXX and changed his entire jawline. What looked like a nice masculine jawline in the photos became...non-existent. AND THE NOSE. It was basically like the face belonged to someone else. 

In hindsight, I now wished I asked for pictures of his body just to see exactly how different he'd turn out to be. 

Instead, after receiving his video message.

I replied "LOL, no." 

Blocked him on Telegram and promptly unmatched him on Tinder. 

Of course I also took screenshots of his profile photos and screen recorded the video message to circulate to my close friends.

Truly interesting times on Tinder.

Also I learnt my lesson and now straight up ask guys if they look like their actual photos before arranging a meet up. 

Plus this incident always makes for a good story with other first dates. 

So, thanks J! 

Of navigating online dating [TINDER]

Plucky ol' me decided to give dating apps Tinder a 2nd shot and this is/was(?) my...experience.

For some context, I was bored and single. Though not desperately single, I just wanted to get in on the action of swiping and needed an ego boost. So I registered for a new Tinder account (I was on it like 2 years ago and then promptly got attached a month later to someone from work)...so barely any time to fully explore the...inner workings of the app intricacies of online dating then. This time I was determined to have my fun. 

After all, it is Tinder. Notorious for being a hook up/ONS app but hey, if there are those who have gotten hitched to their Tinder matches, perhaps my Mr Right was also on the app furiously swiping away till he matches me. 

Armed with my trusty phone, loads of free time (thanks Covid) and a heaping spoonful of salt, I set forth creating my profile. And boy was it a doozy. The balance between "I'm just here for fun" (read: SLUT) and "I'm looking for a BTO partner" (read: DESPERATE) was way too precarious. I had friends vet through my bio and give comments on my which photos I should use. Too much boob? Overly filtered? Clearly I spent way too much effort for something I didn't have much hope in. 

Eventually, I emerged with a decent enough set of photos (I even threw in one of my dog just because) and a bio with some personality. None of that "Here for a good time not a long time" nonsense. But also clear that even I was unsure of what I wanted from Tinder. Friends? Casual dates? Hopefully a pot of gold at the end of that rainbow?

Then began the semi-tedious process of swiping. I say semi-tedious only because the truly tedious part was having conversations that weren't stale. Being the visual creature that I am, I was slightly more discerning with my screening process. I tried swiping those that I found reasonably attractive with a witty enough write up in their bio... Clearly a rookie move. Turns out if they were good looking, pretty often the bios went a little like "<height>, coffee, wine, working out" or just blank. There were some that actually stood out (ie; had more than a paragraph worth of words). But those were few and far between. So I had to lower my standards and swipe literally based on whether or not I found them attractive (or if they had a cute puppy in the pictures).

I had a fairly decent number of matches. But not everyone bothered messaging. And even as a modern, pro-female empowerment all that jazz woman, I wanted the guy to make the first move. Terribly contradicting just let me be. So I only replied those that initiated the conversation. And boy, did I give them shit (if they weren't cute enough or I was just bored). There came a point in time where I'm pretty sure I might've replied things like "How often do you use that line on girls?", "inserts generic reply about having a good day". Though to give credit, some guys actually had pretty interesting opening lines so that was fun. 

Conversations. I wasn't super into the whole opening up Tinder to message portion because what if some kaypo on the MRT/bus peeks at my phone! But okay part of the whole Tinder package (although most got ported over to Telegram). AND IT WAS SO TIRING. There's only so much you can talk to strangers about and when neither of you know what you're looking for... Do you really want to tell this stranger you met on the Internet about your childhood, your hopes and dreams, your fears? Plus it gets draining because the same topics are repeated; just that your partner changes. Literally rinse and repeat. 

Eventually I met up with a couple of them (some quite a handful of times). Because at my core I think I'm still a very people-centric person and I also wanted to see how they actually carry themselves + check if I'm being catfished. 

Voila! 

(Late Sept/Oct 2020 - present day) 

Tinder boy 1: Mr Bright Car

Tinder boy 2: Le Expat in SG

Tinder boy 3: (Potterhead) Pilot

Tinder boy 4: Flakier than a croissant

Tinder boy 5: The small boy

Tinder boy 6:  Sir Works(out) Hard Party Hard

Tinder boy 7: Scrubs

There are more that I'm scheduled to meet but since this list is for those that I've already met... Perhaps I ought to do a short writeup on each character. 

But that's all for today's musings. I've realised how much I've missed writing so perhaps this time I'll actually bother to follow through on my Tinder escapades.