Tinder fella #5: The small boy

So I won't be posting about the tinder boys in order just because some are still "ongoing projects". The stories that have been posted about are...the utterly hopeless, completely no chance of revival boys. 

Let's get into this one. 

Right from the get-go, this guy was not my type. I swiped him because his face kept appearing on my Tinder feed and I thought to myself, how bad could it be? Perhaps my Prince Charming was hiding under the guise of someone who wasn't my usual type. 

Digressing a little. I can now say with a degree of certainty, that if someone's face keeps popping up on your tinder feed despite you swiping right on them countless times. Chances are they've swiped left on you and Tinder is using the "If at first you don't succeed, keep trying. Eventually her standards will drop and you'll be matched" approach. 

We matched wow can you believe it? talked a little on Tinder and subsequently moved over to Telegram. Now, because I already knew he wasn't the kind of guy I'm normally attracted to (not physically anyway). I was a lot more candid in my conversations with him. And I truly do mean A WHOLE LOT more candid. I was downright blunt with him. Unfiltered comments, full of bullshit and a healthy amount of roasting to the point he actually said that I was not what he was expecting at all.

Me being me, of course I questioned him about that comment. Gotta make him sweat a little. But okay, I totally get it. My photos were reasonably attractive and appeared demure yet here I was being all potty-mouthed and messaging like a bro. It was the whole "Expectation vs Reality" situation. But we could somewhat click and agreed on an incredibly impromptu meet up. 

Like, "Do you want to get dessert?" "Now?" "Yeah now" kind of thing. 

IT ALL WENT DOWNHILL FROM THERE.

Turns out he stays reasonably near, and so asked me to pick him up. 

Not that I'm super princess-y but...dude. First time meeting and I had to fetch him? That was...ballsy. I obliged. Partly because I was amused and partly because I wanted to see just how clueless a guy could get.

Although he wasn't wrong in asking me to pick him up because it was the logical thing to do. I'd have to go past his place to get to the destination anyway but...c'mon. At least not when you're going to meet a potential date for the first time? 

I hurriedly threw on some shorts and a regular t-shirt, and, booked a Grab to 2 locations. 

Upon reaching his place, I thought the wrong guy boarded the car. 

He was wearing a school-based tee. 

HELP ME.

I wanted to NOPE him out of my ride. 

I get that you're proud of your school but...really? A school tee for a first meet up? Of all the plain Uniqlo t-shirts that I'm sure you as typical Singaporean boy would have, YOU COULDN'T PICK A PLAIN TSHIRT? 为什么?? If I wanted to date a small boy, I would have set my age range from 18-24 instead of 27 and up. 

And he was...awkward. There's only so much carrying a girl can do in a real-life conversations. By the end of it, I felt like I concluded a "Show and Tell" about my life. 

Oh. Another turn off was... that he didn't know what Mascarpone was. 

Found that out by accident while we were selecting the ice-cream flavours and I selected the Mango+Mascarpone flavour. He looked at me and very genuinely asked was Mascarpone was. 

This flipped a switch in my mind that this guy was really more like a younger brother that needed to be taught rather than a partner I could learn from. Nothing against guys that don't know these things. It's just that men who are more knowledgeable automatically have their attractiveness multiplied at least tenfold to me. 

So yes. We finished up dessert, I feigned being tired and having an early start the next day and he sent me home. Although I would have much rather preferred to go home on my own. 

A while after dropping me off, he messaged to ask if we'd meet again. And I told him I felt that our chemistry online did not translate well offline. My favourite part was his reply after, asking if I could take into account the fact that he hadn't been dating for quite some time. 

Yeah. Small boy. 

Tinder fella #1: Mr Bright Car

Special mention to my supportive pals who tell me they've enjoyed my stories and can't wait for the next posts don't know whether real or not, later just say to make me happy only 😘

Of course names have been changed to protect the identity of the fella (and also to protect me, fella knows where I stay later tio whacked).

He was the first guy from Tinder that I met with. And I admit, I only swiped him for fun.

In pictures he looked alright, typical guy posing in front of his car. His BRIGHTLY coloured car. Hence the pseudonym for him, Mr Bright Car. 

He had a somewhat beng look with his dyed blonde hair in one picture. Although, I recall it had more of a yellowish tinge to it. Think of the...golden lion tamarin monkey but more washed out. REMEMBER THIS, it's important! The rest of the pictures he had dark coloured hair. And I can't explain how someone looks beng, it's just a look that that bengs have. Typical Chinese boy kind of look, had single eyelids (read: small eyes) which I think can be quite cute. Plus he had sporty-ish photos so that's always a good sign (read: has stamina).

We got to talking a little on Tinder and subsequently moved to Telegram. Conversation flowed nicely and he was actually able to keep the conversation going even when I gave crappy-ass replies. I have to give it to him for putting in effort.

Eventually we set up a date.

He suggested brunch so I chose a popular dimsum place (SC).

Hoo-boy this was where it got...amusing.

Now I'm hardly a stickler for time. The only time I'm punctual/not late is for work. For (almost) everything else, I either barely make it in time or I'm late. Bugger was late. Which wasn't really an issue but homegirl here was already late (by ~15mins if I recall correctly) and he was even later than me... Strike 1!

So I went on my merry way to queue for a table... Who knew that people also went to SC early in the day. I've always thought of it as a midnight dimsum craving kind of supper place. The weather totally didn't help. Hot, muggy and with the mask on, I really wanted to just go home and sleep the rest of my day away. Just as I was contemplating bailing (does it really count as bailing if I'm already there and he's late?), he appeared. 

MY HEART SANK. but I also thanked my lucky stars I didn't wear heels.

HE WAS VERTICALLY CHALLENGED.

I am not tall (I tower over dwarves, pixies and other faerie folk at a staggering height of 1.63m). BUT THIS FELLA WAS SHORT. No two ways about it. Strike 2,3,4,5,6,7... 

I didn't think he was tall but I also wasn't expecting him to be almost my height? Maybe just a smidge taller, 1.65cm. And I'm not even that particular about height but dang, if I wear heels, I'll tower over faerie folk AND HIM. Maybe he's confident enough but I couldn't accept it. I need to know that I can permanently be little spoon. (also if we get serious, what about the children? I'm short enough, I can't let my future offspring be teeny-tiny right? If it's a girl, it'd still be alright because who doesn't like pocket sized chicks. But if it's a boy then high likelihood of him being TINY.) 

One more thing. His hair was a funky shade of yellowish blonde??? Nth strike already. Like true to his picture. The literal bright side was that he did not edit his photos. It was too much for my visuals to take in.

So even though we could talk, it wasn't dull or awkward, and he was an absolute gentleman, helping me to take food to my plate and even cutting it for me. (Which I thought was a bit much because I can cut up my own food, but maybe other girls like that feeling? In my mind all I could think about was NOPE. Ain't gonna be meeting him after today. 

After SC I thought it was gonna be the end of it. He asked about dessert. And me being the glutton that I am, couldn't turn him down. 

I soldiered on, because 

1. There's always room for dessert.

2. I felt bad saying no in person. 

Off I went to dessert with Mr BC...in the very brightly coloured car. To say that it was attention grabbing was an understatement.

It COMMANDED attention. I felt eyes judging me as I stepped into the car. (and his non-standard blonde hair didn't help) 

Being curious, I asked him about it.

"Why'd you choose such a bright colour for your car?"

"Because I can never find my car."

My internal thoughts: Bullshit. Confirm wanna attract attention but don't want to admit. Also probably overcompensating for the height (or lack thereof). Even the hair stands out. Confirm overcompensating.

I know I'm damn horrible but at least I'm honest (here at least). 

We actually bonded over having dead mothers while having dessert. What a topic for a first meet up. And while I felt that he was interested/attracted, the lack of height just killed any sort of attraction I had towards him. Sounds incredibly superficial but I can't help that I felt that way...

To be fair though, he was really very nice throughout and he paid for everything even though I offered to split. 

After that he sent me home and subsequently asked for another meet up but... I used the good ol' "My schedule is packed" excuse and I think he got the hint. 

Sorry pal!

If he wasn't at my eye level, there probably might've been a second date at least. 

I can barely remember the details of the date so this is the best I could churn out with my foggy-ass memory.